25. August 2018

I don’t like how time runs at the moment.
It makes me feel uncomfortable.
When I look back on all those memories I’ve created since last November, I’m getting pretty melancholic to realize that all those different times and stages of my self development are gone and will probably never ever come back.
I’m happy that life itself allowed me to change and showed me more than what you can see with your two eyes 👁 so I’ve been able to get a little closer to my true self and collect a lot of experience but when I look back it makes me sad to see all those things gone.
I will never feel the way I did when I was 16 and in love for the first time again and I also will never feel the way I did at the beginning of 2018, when I firstly got in touch with the Goa lifestyle and everything was so new and exciting again.
Those times are gone.
Life goes on and with it you grow. 🕉
You’re collecting more and more experience within everything you do and I feel like looking back must hurt a little but the fact it does you also shows you how valuable and blessed those times have been.🕊
2018 has already been the best but also the worst year of my life even if it’s only August yet.

So many things have changed and they probably will keep on changing.
Im not healthy yet.
Even I know that I look and act healthy but I’m not.
And I’m afraid that my sickness will never go away and that I’m gonna die from it or create any irreparable damage to my body.
I want to finally get out of it!
3 years of suffering are enough!
I can’t do this anymore!
But I feel like the only person that is able to help me is myself and the only thing I can do against the sadness of living in the past is to try to live in the present.
I am my only salvation, yet I’m also my own destruction.